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by Divinder Purewal
Drinking Games
I am a 41-year-old man. That might shock some people when they look at the old man in the photo staring back at them from this page but I’ve had a rough life!
In those 41 years I have made a number of distinct choices: I chose my own degree, the person I married, the career I followed as well as the decision to emigrate to Canada. In every respect I like to feel that I am a man who knows himself fairly well.
One of the things that I choose not to do is drink alcohol.
Earth calling Divinder!
My decision not to drink isn’t for any religious reason but more to do with the fact that:
a) I have always preferred the taste of soft drinks over beer and spirits.
b) I suffer from very severe migraines and I can’t see alcohol helping to relieve the pain.
c) I would hate to be drunk and therefore useless if I were ever needed by my friends or family.
d) My wife and kids would argue that I am pretty “out there” at the best of times so they really wouldn’t see the benefit of me drinking!
The road less travelled
I am also from a family that has seen a lot of my uncles have their lives taken over, and in a few cases prematurely taken, by alcohol. I have seen first-hand the very devastating effects that the abuse of alcohol can have and I decided that I would try my hardest not to let this happen to me and my family.
Odd man out
Now I honestly thought that my decision not to drink wouldn’t be an issue within the South Asian community. After all, we are a broad group of people and being respectful and an upstanding member of society is a good thing.
Boy, was I wrong! For some weird reason, being an Indian male and saying that you don’t drink alcohol somehow translates as: “I really have absolutely nothing interesting to add to any conversation now or ever!”
Party killer!
I have lost count of the number of times when a social gathering has gone deadly quiet when I have respectfully opted for a soft drink over a “drink-drink”
I have been to gatherings where I have been told that I couldn’t sit with the men unless I “acted like a man!” I guess that meant drinking huge amounts of booze, burping loudly while demanding another plate of tandoori chicken! On one classic occasion, after the men told me to leave the rec room because I wouldn’t drink with them, I went into the kitchen, where the women told me that I couldn’t sit with them either because they were gossiping about how stupid their husbands were! My family and I left that party pretty quickly because the kids wouldn’t let me sit with them either!
One drink won’t hurt!
Now I know I seem to be making light of the fact that some Indian people don’t like non-drinkers around, and I do appreciate that this isn’t everyone’s experience but the fact remains that alcoholism and being an Indian male seem to have become one and the same.
Let me take this opportunity to say that we live in a free world where everyone has the right to do whatever they want as long as they don’t impinge on the lives of others.
That’s my concern. I see far too many younger Indian males trying to act like their dads. Boys tend to look up to their male role models and, generally speaking, if you see your dad drunk on a regular basis then chances are pretty high that you’ll do the same because this will be “normal.”
History repeating itself.
I am regularly amazed, shocked and disappointed in equal measure when I see Indian dads drop their kids off at soccer matches or ball hockey games and they stink of alcohol.
Worse still are the dads who go to the kids’ matches but spend the whole game in a car drinking with their buddies and then drive their kids home. What are we teaching our boys? That being a good old Punjabi man involves being drunk? I am not by any means anti-drink. I am just pro-choice — that choice being to not drink and not to be looked down on for deciding to do just that.
Rather than helping their kids become the best version of who they’ll be, many fathers run the risk of creating another generation of people who seek solace at the bottom of a bottle.
All I’m saying is enjoy a drink but please don’t judge those of us that choose not to drink. It shouldn’t be something that excludes us from social gatherings or makes you think less of us.
Also please, please don’t annoy us non-drinkers by asking our wives or partners if we have their permission to drink. That’s not cool!
Divinder Singh Purewal, 40, is a human resources professional in Surrey, B.C. |
