|
An Inflated Ego Is An
Obstacle to True Happiness
By Azim Jamal www.azimjamal.com
"It is humility to realize that quality of life is not me. It is us,” wrote Stephen Covey and Roger and Rebecca Merrill in their book First Things First.
It may take humility to come to that realization, but it is the opposite of humiliating. The person who dispenses with egotism learns that the universe rushes into the vacuum with bountiful gifts for those who care to become a part of it instead of apart from it. When you issue your ego its walking papers, gifts march in to replace it. You become non-judgmental. Your mind becomes more open and receptive to deep learning. You tend to give others the benefit of doubt, which enhances your relationships with them. When ego goes, balance enters.
When you are egocentric, you want constant attention, sympathy and flattery. You make unreasonable demands. This makes you overly competitive, a sore loser and a perfectionist. You insist on having things your own way. Self-centred people are unrealistic, unable to accept criticism and are insensitive to others.
Instead of pooling resources and talents, they insist on going it alone, and though they may be exceptionally good at what they do, they can never match the accomplishments of many able people acting and thinking collectively. In short, they miss out on the value of interdependence.
I remember the humiliation, many years ago, when I was pouring my heart and soul into volunteer work and one of my leaders told me my work was not up to par. I was hurt deeply, and it affected me for a long time. I vowed that if ever I became a leader, I would do my utmost never to belittle the hard efforts of others. I know of people who have given up volunteer work because of similar humiliations.
We learn two things here. First, as a leader, you get best results when you are sensitive to the needs of your team members and try to discover and make use of their talents. Second, if you are part of the team, you are also a leader. Therefore, if you believe in your work you will not let another person’s criticism destroy you.
Good leaders see the beauty in their teams. Ego destroys that beauty. Ego in leaders causes them to use humiliation as a destructive tool. Ego in team members causes them to take criticism personally and let it crush their efforts.
I reasoned that the leader who humiliated me had nothing to do with me. I have continued to serve in many capacities, and have enjoyed and benefited from them.
When you don’t trust others, you become focused on the scarcity mentality. A good leader trusts, empowers and believes in the abundant mentality.
The universe is abundant. It contains 500 trillion stars, by conservative estimate. Our sun is only a medium-sized star; trillions are much larger. Our Milky Way galaxy contains about 100 billion stars, and it is only one of about 100 billion galaxies in the universe.
So why think in a miserly manner? Scarcity comes from your ego. The larger it makes you feel, the smaller it makes the universe seem in comparison. When you realize the enormous breadth of the universe, you understand how small you are and how much you can benefit from its wealth.
The greatest intellects in history have been humbled by the mysteries of the universe.
“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious,” wrote Albert Einstein, who propounded the theories of relativity. “It is the source of all true art and science.”
Jelaluddin Rumi, the great Sufi poet/philosopher, agreed with him 700 years in advance: “Sell your cleverness; purchase bewilderment.”
Introverted or Extroverted,
Ego Leads to Imbalance
Introverts and extroverts are the two opposite sides of the social coin. Introverts draw emotional energy from quiet and solitude; interaction tends to drain them of energy. Extroverts draw energy from interaction with others. They lose energy when they’re alone and can’t interact.
Neither introvert nor extrovert is immune from the imbalance that springs from ego. An inflated ego makes introverted people sly and jealous, putting others down behind their backs. Egotistical introverts will be quiet and smug, always trying to prove how smart they are. They never accept blame for errors or misfortunes.
An oversized ego tends to make extroverts brash, vain and loud. They love to criticize and to exaggerate their own virtues and the flaws in others. They are show-offs and like to control others.
Egocentric people are ultimately the losers because they have problems in their personal lives and relationships. Though they can be successful in their careers, they will not be liked as leaders. Egotistical people with both introverted and extroverted tendencies have difficulty balancing their lives because the negative energy they create erodes their efforts.
An oversized ego will make you insensitive to others, and it will harm your relationships. When egotism is present, love is absent, and without love there is no trust, and trust is the basis for any relationship.
When you block out learning because you think you know it all, it will limit your capacity to be open, to upgrade your knowledge or to achieve real wisdom. You may possess huge amounts of knowledge, but it has less worth than the wisdom you’ll gain by accepting the fact that what you know is dwarfed by what you still don’t know and will never master, no matter how long you live.
Azim Jamal is the No. 1 Amazon Bestselling Co-Author
of The Power of Giving: How Giving Back Enriches Us
All (published by Penguin). Now available on Amazon
and at major bookstores.
|
